2010!

I don’t usually spend much time reflecting on the past year as I switch over the calendar. I don’t make resolutions. Last night was the first time in years that I even stayed up until midnight. But even though I did stay up, I was kind of a Scrooge about it. We were watching the Times Square hoopla on TV, and well, I just didn’t get it. I still don’t get it. My sister assured me that I wasn’t always that much of a party pooper. And that must be true, mustn’t it? I used to be fun, didn’t I? But I’m a total party pooper these days; my main concern is getting enough sleep.

2009 was a challenging year, but even as I write that—think it—I know that along with the challenges there was plenty of joy, plenty of laughter in our house. And I love my girls. Zoë is a nut, a stubborn, funny little girl who is talking more and more and who, even though she often pinches Stella and pulls her hair, adores her sister: “Where Dtella? Where Dtella go?” And Stella, my big Stella, is so mature one moment as she tells her younger cousin that what he is about to do isn’t safe. The next moment, she is so much still a little kid as she catapults herself from the bed or whines because the way I looked at her “hurt her feelings.”

2009 also brought a few acceptances and publications with which I’m very pleased, an editorial position I love at the wonderful Literary Mama, serious movement on both of my books. 2009 brought a new job for D. But still, I’m ready for 2010. I’m ready for a new year. And I’d love to be positive today, to embrace all of the hopefulness and possibility of the coming months. But instead of brimming with hope and good cheer, I’ve been crabby all day. It could have something to do with being stuck inside a cabin with bickering kids (my nephew and my own darlings) and the sub-zero weather that makes staying outside for more than a few minutes impossible. It could have to do with the work hanging over my head, the work I wish I could put aside for the week, but that I can’t because I’ve already put it aside too long.

But I don’t want to be crabby on the first day of the new year. It feels like pooping on a clean plate (not that I’ve ever done this, mind you). So I’m ready to shake myself out of it. I’m ready to embrace the chaos. I'm ready to BE POSITIVE!

May you all have a happy and hopeful year full of desires realized and lots of time for writing and reading.