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Friday, May 23, 2008

mastitis haiku contest

In deference to the breastfeeding gods, I am hosting the FIRST EVER mastitis haiku contest right here at Mother Words.

How to enter: Think hard about mastitis. Write a haiku about it. Type your haiku in the comments field of this post.

Note: You need not have experienced mastitis to write a haiku or to win. I am enlisting my two sisters as judges. One has had mastitis, the other has not. Both love a funny haiku. The winner will be chosen Friday, May 30th and will receive a $10 gift card to Only one entry per person.

To get you started, I’ll leave you with this:

kate’s mastitis haiku

Breast and body ache
Plugged ducts, oh how I hate thee
Calgon take me now

I clearly expect to be outdone.


Andria said...

Mastitis: A Haiku

e-mail said: "mass tits"
it must have been the spell check
which one would be worse?

Anonymous said...

OK - had two bad bouts of mastitis and several plugged ducts. The "dangle feed" (nursing while leaning over the baby, best done on a bed or on the floor) saved me from more bouts of actual mastitis, as did aggressive self-massage. I always remember my OB saying, as she noticed the angry red line on my breast, "well, this is the kind of thing that used to sometimes you before antibiotics". Anyway, here goes - true story, never since discussed, thankfully:

Feed with dangling breast
Good for mastitis, they say
Dad-in-law walks in

Anonymous said...

Um, meant to say "sometimes kill you".

stace-c said...

Fever, chills--surprise!
Needles jabbing through my breasts
Wish I had the flu.

Anonymous said...

what a wonderful idea kate! i mean, considering the topic! :)

Meredith's Mastitis Haiku:

shivering with babe
at breast full of fire hot milk
someone help me now!

phone call to midwife
she reassures, prescribes heat
heard of crushed cabbage?

i will try anything please
Phytolacca heals.

American_in_Cairo said...

I'm not even touching this contest but found your haiku quite funny. Thanks!

Andria said...

I know I can't vote, but I vote for Emmie's.

I do wonder if it would have better or worse for her dad-in-law to walk in on the "aggressive self-massage"....

Are you feeling better, Kate?

kate hopper said...

These are killing me. Keep them coming. I wondered whether walking in on Emmie's agressive self-massage would be worse, as well Andria. But I now consider myself a pro at it, and seem to do it wherever I am these days...the front yard, Target, etc.

Anonymous said...

Expectant Haiku....

Thirty-two weeks now,
Reflux: Used to seem quite bad
Posts arouse New Fears

rwhopper said...

Wow, these haikus were truly funny to read, and I'm a big fan of funny haikus. Nothing funny about mastitis while in its evil throes, but it does tend to make for good stories later - both in giving a lighter slant to the dark hours of breastfeeding, and in highlighting the strength of women in their journey through motherhood.

You don't know me, but I'm Kate's younger sister, Rachel. I had some raging mastitis that set in exactly 1 week after I gave birth to my son. My favorite memory is Kate coming over to visit me after I went to the doctor for antibiotics. I've memorialized this visit with a haiku of my own:

Let me see, she says
Almost vomits in her mouth
Does it look that bad????

Anyway, it's difficult for me to be a judge...first, because I'm no expert on haikus; and second, because I have a hard time making decisions. But, if I had to choose just one, my vote goes to: Emmie. The image of your father-in-law walking in on you gave me a hearty laugh!

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone. I'm Kate's older sister Sara. I'm the sister who has never had mastitis. I am also not a mother and not pregnant, but I'm definitely neurotic, so should I become pregnant at any point in the future I am very, very afraid I might get mastitis (among a long list of other fears). I therefore have to throw my vote to the "expectant haiku." In particular, I would like to applaud the use of capital letters with respect to New Fears. Because my youngest sister Rachel and I have split our votes, I will leave it to Kate to determine an equitable means for awarding the gift certificate. I enjoyed reading everyone's entries!